That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
