Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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