Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
