Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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