I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
