At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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