guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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