So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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