tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
