Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
