How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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