and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
