this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
