Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
