no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
