how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
