We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
