$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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