living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
