I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
