im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
