I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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