At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
