i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize