well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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