she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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