I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
