If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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