At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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