I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
