We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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