In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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