am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
