he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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