he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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