I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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