Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
