It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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