So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.