All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships