Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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