if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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