apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
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She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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