I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
