I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
