Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
