she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
