If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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