It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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