also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
