areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
