i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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