I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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