I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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