So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
