Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
