I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
