When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
