Your mouth is God's brothel.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
