At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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