im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
