I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
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Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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