Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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