Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Two words: nipple clamps
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