dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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