do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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