I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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