Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Who died my cat blue again?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
