Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
