True but thats because hes a fetus.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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