He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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