the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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