Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
