i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize