Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
