One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
