Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
